Knight of Wands, My True Adversary

I’m impulsive, full of energy like a tornado whipping through places. I like destruction. I like to set fire to things I’ve created when in fever and even in temperance. I have moods that move houses. I have an unpredictable nature that excites and terrifies.

This card keeps coming up.

I have to learn how to work with this energy, my Uranus in Sagittarius, my Mars in the first house, my Aries in the Ninth. I push through life like a fervid bulldozer and grinning. The chase ignites me. The creative process ignites me. The beginning ignites me but I feel no loyalty to completion. It’s not that I don’t value my art, I do, it’s that my art is a performance. The creative act itself is my fondest art. The dismantling of my process to get to the depth of my drive is what motivates me to do anything. I’m untethered.

However.

My guides keep showing me this card, and in the reverse, to remind me this is also how i got stuck in Philadelphia with no plan and no money and on food stamps in Kensington to begin my journey. Planning is necessary to beget the life we really want. As Scorpio comes to a close, and Sagittarius begins, I must practice my grounding routines: yoga, meditation, writing, sleep, short walks, and no caffeine. My body is already the energizer bunny. It does not need any more activity.
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When this card comes up it is not a warning against spontaneity, it is an urging to temper passion or to find a way to not be carried away by it. Ground. And let the fire build on Earth.

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