this reading I decided to bring some of my personal touches back into things which was the Ace of Wands urge.
there is a tendency to get mired in self criticism and self doubt, especially when we have not seen some of the things we have worked on come to fruition, or have not seen our life unfold the way we have hoped. we may get stuck counting pennies, steps, wrinkles, loads instead of actually pausing to watch the way life unfolds without interference. both The Chariot and the Ace of Wands urge us to keep moving forward. retrogrades feel like mud–you can trudge through them but you might get stuck. you have to keep walking but it’s ok to pause to pull your boot out, just don’t get lost staring at the bottom of your boot.
this time only has as much power as you give it. mistakes abound, exes come back, letters go missing, flights get changed, grief reemerges the victor for everyone at some point or another. grief is the world’s way of letting us keep a part of the past we felt bonded to. this is coming from someone who has thrown away love letters, ruined things so she doesn’t have to see them, lost mementos, changed houses yearly, and now I am desperate for my memory back. The Chariot reminds us to keep it moving; take in the scenery but keep it moving. The Ace of Wands is our power; it was selected to be shown on the reverse of the downturned Queen, to busy staring at her own poor reflection, self obsessed and spinning that she “can’t see the forest for the trees can’t smell her own shit on her knees”*
use the torch of burning bridges to light your way but never forget the slain. sometimes things come back for a reason. don’t wait for it. just accept it. focus on bigger and better. The Queen of Pentacles holds a giant coin on her throne. it is right in front of you.
*for my deceased friend Megan, who was the first one of us to be publicly goth in middle school and even though we made fun of you, we all listened to Marilyn Manson with you too. thank you for being a weirdo and letting me be a weirdo too.